Garden gnomes (florus gnominnicus), like their cousins, the lawn flamingos (pinkatum annoyatum birdus), are a scourge of many an otherwise lovely, well-planned garden or balcony. To rid your garden of all possible distasteful gnomes and their unfortunate side effects, we recommend the assiduous application of Gnome-Be-Gones. These wonderful little sprites will spirit away a gnome in thirty seconds flat and, well, probably best not to know what exactly they do with the gnomes.

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