Michael Van Clarke 3 More Inches

While some men may look at this and think they've found the elixir to their manhood youth, Michael Van Clarke 3 More Inches ($87) applies only to the hair on your head. But what we don't quite understand is the marketing text for this product, specifically this line: "Hair is able to grow longer..." Does that mean at some point some voodoo hex was placed on our hair preventing it from growing and Michael Van Clarke kissed our sleeping tresses back to life Snow White style? If that is the case, we need to have a discussion with the Wicked Witch about her wicked ambitions; hair growth prevention is lacking creativity. We'd be more impressed if she voodoo hexed penis growth.

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