Mr. Bundy writes: "Dear Outblush: As if her birthday isn't enough my wife, Peg, is forcing me to get her something for Mother's Day. She thinks that just because she has two kids that means she did something right and deserves something for it. Don't tell her that I love her but I guess I can buy her something little, probably in animal print. Nothing over $50. She can't cook worth a damn, shops me out of house and home, sits on the couch all day wearing next to nothing and would rather live in a Chippendale's than under her own roof. As a shoe salesman, I know shoes. I guess I could get her some of those. But don't screw up. I'm not paying for mistakes. I've been doing that since I got married. Signed, Al Bundy"
Gee Mr. Bundy. You sure know your wife. Thanks for sending in the picture. That helps put her into perspective. We figured Peg might like some new pieces for her wardrobe and some items to make her life easier at home. Maybe that will keep her out of the strip clubs and malls.
1. Zanzibar Bangle: This over sized, leopard spotted bangle will fit in perfectly with her existing jewelry collection. ($20)
2. Haircalf Belt: The zebra print screams "PEGGY" (as, we are sure, you do as well) but the jewel-encrusted belt keeper classes things up a bit. ($34)
3. Longline Shoulder Cutout Top : Without exposing too much cleavage, Peg can still show off a little shoulder skin. ($9)
4. Cotton Capri Leggings: Black leggings are pretty slimming, although Peggy doesn't seem to have a problem with that. These will match any ensemble. ($17)
5. Leopard Slingback Wedge: Pair these with the top and leggings we suggested and Peggy will be ready for a date night, hopefully with you. You two seem to be in dire need of reconnecting, no offense. ($23)
6. Cooking for Dummies: Pretty self-explanatory. The kids need feeding and you need something to get your wife. ($11)
7. Parenting Teens: Essentials for the Journey: Peg appears to need guidance much like your kids do. This kills two birds with one stone. ($4)
8. Sofa, Couch and Arm Rest Organizer: If she spends a good deal of her time relaxing on the couch, she can organize her new books and still say she tidied up the place. ($13)
9. Antiqued Silver Arabesque Cigarette Case: A classy lady always needs a classy way to smoke her Misty Menthol 100's. ($13)
10. Princess Phone: To call a damn divorce lawyer. ($30)
Frustrated in your search for that perfect leather handbag, red stiletto pump, or whatever makes your heart go thump in the night? Click here to check out our requests for you, the reader, and to contact us, and we might do the shopping work for you in a future Personal Shopper feature!
If you've got a product or service that you'd like to promote on Outblush, click here to find out about our advertising opportunities.