V-Day Gifts: The Player

Valentine's Day: it strikes fear into the hearts of kids with crushes and married-fifty-years types alike. Why? It's just a day... Okay, a day fraught with overblown expectations and way too many stereotypes. That's why, this year, we're presenting gift ideas that will really mean something to the recipient and show them that you appreciate them for them. Over the next few weeks, we'll be suggesting gifts for the special someone in your life, whether they're the hunkamunk coworker you lust over from afar, your BFF, your new sweetie pie, or the sweet schmuck you've lived with for three years.

*Sigh*... The player... This beastly breed of man has plagued the existence of trusting women for all of time. He probably won't get anything for his bevvy of babes, but we love gift giving - especially in the name of vengeance. If we find out we're one of many in his harem he may wake to a driver to the face (the Tiger Wood's scandal was inspiring in hindsight). It's simple: homie don't play that.

Dream Big : With the Haier Wine Cellar ($484) he can continue to wine and dine us from the comfort of his home. With a forty bottle capacity and touch screen setting controls, getting too tipsy to remember all those broken promises of fidelity will be a piece of cake. Maybe we could use the wine as a truth serum and head down the slippery slope of confessionals. Oh, how the wine talks.

Undress to impress under the dimmed light of the FJ Playa Pendant Light ($280) in an attempt to catch your sleazeball in a web of seduction. We wouldn't chance it though, smart women of the world. As the saying goes, once a cheater, always a cheater. This multi-toned glass shade diffuser made of natural shell panels and satin nickel finish is romantic to a fault, but we won't be.

Doable: We can hit 'em low, where it hurts: on the cheap. Make your hostile feelings crystal clear for the player in your life with the collection of punk rock anthems on St. Valentine's Day Massacre ($10) by Niagara & The Hitmen. Of course she's from Detroit - Niagara's boisterous Nancy Sinatra-styled vocals could give us the courage to kick any dude in the nuts. Ron Asheton (formerly of the Stooges) backs that velvet fist in an iron glove voice perfectly. We could make an explosive girl power protest out of titles like "You're Gonna Die," "Anyone Can Fuck Her," and "Another Lost Weekend." Watch out. We're gunning for you, players of the world.

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