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How To Traumatize Your Children

Every good parent knows that the secret to raising amazing kids is to give them love, nurturing, and just enough dysfunction to make them funny. Obviously Mom understood that when she delayed first-time bra shopping for so long that the coolest girl in school had to explain that it was time for a mini boulder-holder... while we were in the middle of changing for gym class no less. That's a true story, btw. How To Traumatize Your Children ($11) gives you all the expert advice you need to make sure that your kids don't make it through adolescence without some noticeable level of damage. Whether you're going for controlling, overindulgent, or neglectful, this book is the best way to ensure that your child will grow up to pen a humorous New York Times bestseller about you.

More   Life  |  Books & Magazines $11  Buy  |   2 comments   |   SHARE

Comments


Syl

Posted on 06.15.12 at 6:10 PM

Seriously, what the HELL? What is wrong with you people? I cannot understand why anyone would write this book in the first place, and I really can't understand why anyone would ADVERTISE and PROMOTE this book. "How to give your children the lifelong gifts of mental and emotional damage"? Seriously, are traumatized children a JOKE to you? Have you ever seen a traumatized child? Have you ever met one? Do you really think this world's parents right now really need HELP on how to traumatize this children? Because I can tell you, as an attorney that has worked with and tried to help abused and neglected children, that is married to someone who was horribly, tragically abused in childhood, I will NEVER have a sense of humor about traumatized children and I am disgusted that anyone would publish, write, sell or advertise such offensive garbage. There is nothing sadder in this world than a child that has been neglected, abandoned, traumatized by his or her parents. Nothing. And there is nothing even remotely funny about that. There are millions of childen that are starving, that are neglected, and that are abused sexually, physically, emotionally in ways you cannot possibly imagine. There is abuse out there that would shock you to the core and strip you of any faith in humanity, if, you know, you had a soul. You clearly have no idea what it's like to have lifelong mental and emotional and physical damage, because no one who does would ever joke about it in this manner. You have no idea what it's like to struggle every single day to overcome the scars of a less than shining childhood, to never be able to have the life you would have had if you hadn't been hurt so horribly as a child. You have no idea what it's like to be betrayed by the people who were supposed to protect you, to have that trust and that faith broken at such a young age, to live with the feeling that you have never been safe and never will be safe. I don't care if the book doesn't teach you how to criminally abuse your child. It shouldn't exist regardless. Being neglectful and controlling isn't any less awful and I abhor this disgusting society that permits something like this to exist.

I would have utter contempt for any parent who bought this book as a "joke". Do you joke about concentration camps too? Why don't you promote a book about how to arrange dog fights or kill toddlers? Why don't you write a book about enslaving children as soliders in your armies? How about burning kittens? Or any of the other sadistic, atrocious things people do these days? I'm sure you can find some author who finds that HILARIOUS.

If you don't think imparting a life of suffering and trauma to a child is that bad, and that it's fine to write a "humorous" book about it because hey, it's funny! then there is something seriously wrong with you.

SHAME on you people and anyone who buys or promotes this book. Disgusting.

Vidya

Posted on 06.16.12 at 2:14 AM

wow - i am utterly speechless. take a joke, people.

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