I'd Rather Be: a Lawn Flamingo Zoologist

While a Personal Shopper can give you what you need for real life, I'd Rather Be sets you up for fantasy lives you didn't even know you had. Because sometimes a new shampoo isn't enough for a whole new you. (Want us to outfit your alter ego or your alternate reality? Just say the word!)

You know what makes life better?

Nature. You know what makes life suck?

Too much nature. But balance can be attained. Get just a little wild this summer and begin a rewarding second career observing and documenting the habits of the
plastic lawn flamingo! The music's queued up and the gear's right here:

  • bulbous pink binoculars ($17) help you see clearly while maintaining a healthy distance from the birds and from your killjoy neighbor's property line.
  • a folding canopy lawn chair in "chlorinated aqua" ($96) means that hell yes, you can just sit there all day.
  • a pink glitter flask ($20) keeps you hydrated and sociable.
  • green jelly sandals ($40) camouflage your toes in the green, green suburban grass, just as...
  • an AstroTurf purse ($20) will keep your tablet safe from those crafty sprinklers. Plus it's got a freaking plastic daisy on it. It's like you made a hunting trophy after you shot a doormat.
  • a copy of Splendor in the Grass ($13), the finest and possibly only book already written on the subject of lawn flamingos, will get you all educated up,
  • a few sexy decoys in unexpected blue ($20 for two) just might lure in a few brave research subjects, and
  • some honest-to-God (DEBBIE GIBSON!!!!) 1980s celebrity perfume ($35) will surround you with a pink plastic sweetness that more timid birds will find irresistable.

    Your new life? $261. Beats tuition.



    Posted on 07.11.12 at 12:20 PM

    Love it. I have some black skeletal lawn flamingos I put out at Halloween. It seems cheesy yet unexpected :)

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