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Social Shower Curtain

Social media has taken over your life to the point where you can't even bathe for seven minutes without wondering if someone has posted on your wall. For that sweet relief of internet in one of the few places you can't connect, buy a Social Shower Curtain ($20). It's more than a profile page - it also keeps the water from running onto your floor. Unlike the real Facebook, the privacy settings are thorough and you won't accidentally reveal more than you mean to: aside from the one rectangle where you can pose for a pic, the curtain is not transparent, thereby obscuring your naked body.

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