Personal Shopper: Father's Day Gifts for Homer Simpson

Marge S. writes: "Hi Outblush. I just love your blog, and I love your Personal Shopper feature. I was hoping you could help me figure out what to get my Homie for Father's Day. He's a loving father and a wonderful husband, although maybe lacking a little in the motivation department. He spends a lot of time at the local bar, and tends to get himself into pickles that usually result in us spending the entirety of whatever savings we have. He loves junk food (so much so that he's already had heart surgery) and likes exerting as little effort as possible to do something. I'd take him on a trip, but we've been banned from most other countries in the world, and most of our neighboring counties, thanks to Homer's shenanigans. Help!"

Marge, we feel your pain. What do you do for a guy who has seen it all and whose main motivations in life are getting beer and doughnuts? We say. . .give him more beer and doughnuts!

1. Storm Virtual Gravity NANO Bowling Ball ($160) - You should probably encourage any sort of activity Homer does in order to decrease his changes of having yet another heart attack. We say he can become the strongest member of The Pin Pals with this high-performance ball.

2. The Beerbelly ($35) - Why should Homer have to pay high prices for beer at the stadium? Just have him stick this thing under his shirt, and fill it up with the sweet brew made in Ned Flanders' basement. Since Homer Simpson and beer belly are synonymous terms, no one will even notice.

3. Duff Beer ($5.39/can) - Now you won't have to feel bad about Homer sitting around all day guzzling Duff. This isn't the alcoholic version he's used to; it's an energy drink. Best taken with a Flaming Moe.

4. Krispy Kreme Gift Card ($Depends) - Make sure Homer always has replenishments for his emergency IOU doughnuts with a gift card to Krispy Kreme.

5. PikStick Pro Reacher Grabber ($25) - Have you ever wished your arms were longer? Who wants to actually get off the couch to grab something? Just use the PikStick. We think Homer will agree.

6. "1,000 Excuses: How to get out of. . .and away with. . .everything" - If you'd gotten this book for Homer sooner, dear Marge, there's a good chance you'd still be welcomed with open arms in most of the world's glorious countries.

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