You look like a blubber-filled beached whale with swollen ankles. We know, whales don't have ankles, but trust us, you can still wail this statement during a meltdown and no one can say anything. You're NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. You have a free pass to melt down and wail nonsense at least twice every hour until that baby pops out. And in case someone feels the need to tell you to cheer up, remind them that you also haven't had a drink since you conceived. NINE MONTHS AGO! That ought to shut 'em up.
9 Months Sober Maternity Tee ($25) by Torso Sheath
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