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ASICS GEL-Flashpoint Shoes

No one at our level of athletic ability could ever win any sort of sporting event without sabotaging the competition first. So we're hoping these ASICS GEL-Flashpoint Shoes ($90) will temporarily blind other athletes, causing them to tumble in a Tour de Failure and allowing us to win a race we're too not sure why we entered in the first place. Gold medal status, right here.

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